Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
