I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
