I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
