i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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