We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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