ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
