Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
