For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
