just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
