The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
