Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
