the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
