question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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