So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
