I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
