Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
