I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
