i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
