it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
