I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
