So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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