So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
this is an emotional support booty call
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
