This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
