A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
