quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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