so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
