Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
