dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize