guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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