It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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