so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
