in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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