im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
