ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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