I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
