I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
