remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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