So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
