Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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