I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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