It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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