So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
