Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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