i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
