two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
