Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you had me at cake vodka
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
