I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
