SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
