I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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