She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
