I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
